Why?

Today, as I was enjoying my nice cool ride home from work in the driving, soaking rain, some d-bag in a black Subaru Imprezza decided it would take too long to wait for the oncoming car to go by before he passed me and basically forced me off the road. And then he confirmed that he truly was an asshole by laying on his horn. I replied with only one finger. I might add that I was on a road that my gracious city has designted as a "bicycle route." Anyway this incident got me thinking about two things 1) this was odd behavior from a Subaru driver; it's generally American label car drivers that threaten my life and 2) what would be the best type of firearm to carry on my bicycle.

As for the latter, well, normally I would say bigger is better, but in the case of shooting from a loaded touring cycle I'm not sure. There is the recoil to think about and the effect that recoil would have on one's balance. I'm not at all certain, for instance, that I would be able to safely fire, say, a .44 magnum into a moving pickup full of fat rednecks without losing my balance and falling off of my bike. That just wouldn't do. So a slightly smaller caliber would probably be better, and definitely a semi-auto because of the recoil mitigation that those mechanisms have. Plus being able to fire quickly might help. I have always wanted to try riding around with a sawed off shotgun protruding from my camelback, Mad Max style, mostly as a deterrent. Possibly while wearing a leather vest and chaps. I think people would think twice about hurling obscenities and loose change at me from inside their little metal boxes.

You may be thinking "wow, what militant crazy bastard that guy is." And you would be partly right. But here's the thing a lot of non cyclists don't realize. Just because you don't like someone or don't like what someone is doing, you can't go around threatening that person's life. I know I dress funny and because I wear really tight shorts someone might think I'm gay (although I've never really understood the connection between tight shorts and sexual orientation myself) and that someone might be a closed minded adherent to the teachings of Jesus Christ (although, again, it's news to me that those teachings said anything about killing people you disagree with) but, unfortunately for some, it's still illegal to kill me. As of right now it's illegal anyway; that could all change depending on which party controls the various branches of our government. I also know that I sometimes take up space on our roads and highways that God himself (or herself) gave to the owners of automobiles. And I know that everyone is pressed for time these days and, you know, can't spare any extra seconds on the road, what with soccer practice and oboe lessons and play dates (wtf?) and social networking and reality TV and thank God for the serenity of my naked fitness/fasting-colon cleansing yoga-pilates hybrid class to reduce stress. Otherwise I might kill someone. Or I might kill someone anyway if they act differently than I do or get in my way. See what I'm saying?

I'll admit that I probably wouldn't really like the guy that almost ran over me today. And I probably won't like the guy that will almost run over me tomorrow or, worst case, actually run over me tomorrow. But I still don't want to kill the fat sweaty bastards. Can't we just agree to disagree?

Don't they see, I'm doing it for them. I'm deliberately not using my allotment of fossil fuel so that others who need it more can run their ski boats and quad runners and stock cars and 5oo,ooo megawatt honda generators all night at the campground. I'm a team player. I'm even paying an incredible sum of money every month to some insurance company so that we can all (ignorant sedentary clowns and athletes alike) have our diabetes and obesity and cardiovascular disease covered, which we will all most assuredly suffer from if we don't get killed in some type of violent accident beforehand. What the hell is not to like.

Really long bicycle ride part 2

I am easily sidetracked and I can't quite get the post written that I sat down to write. So here goes again. I am preparing for a fairly long bicycle ride. I know it says really long ride in the title, but it's all relative. Some people think riding down to The Beer King for a six pack is a really long ride. I think riding from Prudhoe Bay to Tierra del Fuego is a really long ride. Consequently, the ride I am preparing for is only sort of long, about 900 miles or so. I am riding from my home here in Rutland VT to my former home of Freeland MI. Unless things don't go according to plan, in which case I may only be riding to Oxford MI, because my ultimate reason for doing this is to attend a memorial celebration for my Grandfather, who passed away 30 years ago.

One of the main reasons I am attempting this ride, which I have contemplated for some time, is that I have the privelege of company this time. My Uncle Marc, who hates to be introduced as my Uncle Marc (one of my very best friends that I've known virtually since I was a fetus, Marc?) is going to accompany me and the two of us are very excited to have this opportunity to ride our bikes and spend some time together. When I found out that he was interested in doing this thing it really solidified my resolve to make it happen. And so it shall. Here are the details as I know them right now:
Marc is arriving in Burlington VT on July 8

He has already purchased a new bike, a Surly Long Haul Trucker just like mine, which I have in my possession and will attempt to have prepared for his arrival.

We will probably do a ride and get our gear together on July 9.

We will hit the road on July 10.

As I mentioned, we have an engagement on July 25 in Oxford MI, so with any luck we will get there under our own power.

I don't know the route exactly but I do know that we are heading for Ticonderoga NY and points west of there on day one. The first couple of days present some pretty significant vertical relief, and after that the climbing mellows out.

We are both very excited to get underway.

I will try to post any info and photos that I can along the way, and of course anything notable that happens in the period immediately prior to setting off. I may or may not bring a computer with me. Depending on how much all of my other crap weighs. Wish us Luck.

Really long bicycle ride (but not a tour)

Okay I've only really go one thing on my mind right now and that is my upcoming long bicycle ride. Some people call it a tour but I call it a long bicycle ride because as a recovering elitist bicycle racer, touring is just one of the things that you always told yourself you would never do. Kind of like wearing one of those helmet mounted rear view mirrors. Or riding around all of the time with a goofy one piece aero bar jacked up all comfy-like (think early nineties triathlon.) You just never think you'll get to that point. I've gotten to that point. I haven't ridden my race bike but once all season. I regularly ride for pleasure on a bicycle that has a front and rear rack. I ride to work on a bastardized cyclocross bike with panniers and a blinking tail light. I have hair on my legs. I will admit, and this is very, very hard for me, that I have considered purchasing one of those afore mentioned helmet mounted rearview mirrors. I am unrecognizable to myself.

I've known it would happen, in the back of my mind, for a while. I saw how the changes presented themselves in the older masters racers when I was still racing. These weren't the pack filler riders either, these were the guys that were winning races, wearing national champion jerseys, pioneers in American cycling, guys that you just knew were real bad asses when they were younger. And now some of these guys were wearing helmet mirrors all of the time. Guys riding on disk wheels all of the time, even for cyclocross and mountain bike races. Guys who only wore skinsuits despite the fact that they are hot, uncomfortable and have no pockets. Guys who used weird gear, like aerodynamic water bottles, even in long road races where such trinkets couldn't possibly have any positive effect. So yeah, I knew that old road racers get weirder and weirder as time goes on. I figure it must have something to do with the constant oxygen deficit that accompanies years of hard training. And now it's happened to me.

Here's the thing. Despite the fact that I just absolutely adore bicycles, I don't really want to ride my bike anymore. Unless, that is, I can ride it someplace in particular. You see, for years I've ridden thousands and thousands of miles a year and gotten...nowhere. I rode all of those miles just for the sake of riding miles. And I no longer want to do that. I want to ride my bicycle somewhere. I don't care where; it could be work, or the grocery store, my family reunion in Michigan, or, my favorite, The Beer King corner store. Just so long as I set out with some destination in mind. Sure, occasionally I'll get a hankering to hit the road just for the hell of it, usually on a nice sunny summer day (which is pretty rare in itself around here) but for the most part, I don't want to go out and ride the same tired loops that I've forced myself to ride inumerable times before just to get in another, say, 30 miles. Now a 900 mile bicycle ride, that's something that gets my blood pumping. As long as I don't call it a tour. Because deep down inside I'm still that smooth legged guy who absolutely must have the lightest possible wheels on the lightest possible frame. The guy wearing the massively logoed jersey and 25 function heart rate monitor. The guy who just absolutely has to go out and ride 30 miles in the rain because that's what his training program says. Wait, now I'm not sure which version of myself is crazier.

Introduction

I usually only write about skiing because, well, I really only care about skiing. No, that's not true, I care about stuff. Just not as much as skiing. Plus no one seems to care what I think about, with the possible and occasional exception of skiing. But here's the deal: I like writing and writing helps me get out of my own head for a little bit which, as anyone who's ever been in my head for any length of time will attest, is a good thing. So I'm going to have a go at writing about other stuff. Read it if you want, or if you're at work and you've already read all of your other blogs and whatnot and the only alternative is to actually get some work done. Just remember, I'm writing this for me, not for you, so don't leave me any nasty comments or I'll find out where you live and burn your house down.